Posts Tagged ‘Life’

Monday morning dullness.

Monday, July 5th, 2010

Monday morning once again. I’m looking over my task list for the week, and discovering that some of the things I needed to get done last week have sort of bled over into this one. I can’t seem to find my 06 tax returns, I’ve forgotten to mail my GST remittances, and so on.

I feel rather disorganized.

I suppose it’s not the end of the world. I’m far more organized these days than I was 6 months ago. I sorta feel like I’ve been slowly climbing out of a big giant hole.

Still, Monday mornings suck. I always end up feeling like Sysyphus looking up at that boulder, realizing that I’ve gotta start pushing it up that hill again.

I suppose that I rather like painting and working on tunes, because at the end of the day I can look back and actually see something I did. Unlike tech work, which pretty much means that I look back and see pretty much what I saw at the start of the day.

I guess I gotta find some time tonight to look for tax returns, and get some mail out the door after work. Also, now that they gym is paid off, I think I’ll get my butt out there tonight. ‘s been a while.

Oh, reminds me…. I gotta charge the iPod.

Unexpected Downtime

Monday, June 28th, 2010

Well, it seems that the upgrade of Apache on my box did not go as planned. Pretty much everything, and all dependencies had to be rebuilt from scratch. So, it was a bit of a process.

Well… We’re back up and running now, so what’s been up….

Work was insane for the last couple of months, but it’s quieted down in recent weeks. I’m actually getting a bit of time to work on personal stuff, and catch up on paperwork and the ole tax thing, which is a bit of a mess frankly. The simple truth is that I’m behind in filing because quite frankly, I can’t afford to pay them what they want and still keep a roof over my head. The business has been brutal over the last couple of years. Expected payments weren’t there, we had to lay off staff, and every damn extra penny got grabbed by one damn emergency or another. So it’s been trying. Now, that I’m not hemmoraging cash so quickly, mostly cause I’m completely out of it (lol) I thought I’d get caught up on the paperwork and see how bad it’s gonna be.

Well, the accountant is bad enough. Its $2400 bucks for them to file everything, which pretty much means that I’m absolutely penniless for the next month, and that’s BEFORE I deal with Rev Can. This so serious sucks. 10 years in the IT business and all I have to show for it is an increasing debt load to the government. *sigh* Well, I’m gonna try to keep some humor about it. At least I have a roof over my head, most of the gear I need to get things done, and I’m starting to get some time to do creative projects, like more painting and some audio work. I’m just hoping that I can get them to make a bit of money over the next while, cause I’m gonna need it!

I’ll be posting the latest projects in the next day or so.

not much going on.

Wednesday, April 28th, 2010

It’s been increasingly hard to find time to do creative work over the last couple of weeks. The day job is keeping me insanely busy, and by the time I’m done for the day, there isn’t anything left. I’m burnt out. So it’s been hard to keep up with posting, because frankly there’s been nothing to post about, other than ‘work sucks’ which frankly everybody already knows, and nobody wants to hear about.

I did finally about 3 am last night get struck with an idea for a painting. Not sure I can pull it off, but it’s something to try. Gonna start sketching it out tonight after the gym I think.

Busy doing… stuff

Sunday, April 11th, 2010

I haven’t posted in a long time because I’ve been very busy doing….stuff.

Ashes… it tastes like ashes.

Tuesday, September 8th, 2009

These last 6 weeks have been emotionally the hardest period of my life. A lot has been going on, but by far the worst was the break up with what is the love of my life. Nothing, absolutely nothing I have ever experienced before even remotely prepared me to deal with the events of the last couple of months. I have never been so in love in my life, nor have I been nearly as devestated at the way things have turned out. She loves me, and I her, but as it turns out, sometimes love is not enough.

It was not the right time. We were torn apart by health, personal demons and pressures that made it impossible to be together.

A day of watching her come back to finally move her stuff out, has ended with me looking at the empty spaces left behind, knowing that it couldn’t have been different. I have never given more, or tried harder, or found anything more worth figthing for. The simply truth is that it couldn’t work. Not at this time.

The empty spaces hurt.

They hurt because the love isn’t gone. I don’t think it’s going to go either. There is no hate, no anger, no recimination or blame that I have left in me. I know that I fought with sickness, not with a person. I knew that my enemy was timing, not someone’s actions. I also know that there’s nothing more that I could have done. The great and painful lesson here is that you can only help someone so much. They have to live their own lives and bear their own pain. …but knowing does not make the pain any less crippling.

No. The pain doesn’t fade either. You just get better at bearing it, you just get a little stronger, and maybe a little colder. You learn how to fill the emptiness with other things. A myriad of distractions though, could not this day lift me from this place. That will come, but not today, I fear.

All I can do is accept this and be thankful that for a time, I walked beside an angel, and pray that in time perhaps, I may one day walk with her again.

I choose to be thankful for the time that we were given, and shall try not to curse the time that we were not.

Exciting Changes

Wednesday, July 1st, 2009

So Bambii moved in this week. I’m kind of excited. It’s been a very long time since I lived with anyone, and this is the first time that it’s felt so natural and right. Strange to think that not so long ago, I was certain to my core that I’d never be able to fall in love again, nor want to ever share a home with anyone other than my cat ever again. I’m shocked, but also pleasantly delighted. The speed and depth with which the bond between us developed has still left me reeling. I have never met anyone with which I was so deeply and mutually compatible with before. I guess that’s what it takes.

We met and rapidly became the best of friends while dating other people. Eventually it just sort of outgrew friendship as we left our other dates behind. Although we kept things quiet, and even went out of our way to keep it under wraps, I think that anyone that knew either of us well figured it out ages ago. After all, we spent just about every waking moment together for the last few months. It was really only a matter of time before we officially moved in together. lol.

So it’s been exciting and somewhat strange. Giving someone keys to my place, introducing and refereeing cats, making room in the closet, starting to look for a bigger place.

Many changes afoot! It’s been wonderful though. The last few months have been the most rewarding of my life.

Damn, said this wasn’t gonna happen…

Monday, June 15th, 2009

Ok, I’m in trouble now. I’ve gone and fallen in love again. Damn, damn, damn, damn… Thought I was past this. lol. It’s only made worse by the fact that she has as well. Now we’re all cute and sickening in front of our friends without meaning to be. It’s also getting harder and harder to flirt or play with anyone else. Damn, damn, damn…

We’d kept things pretty quiet for the most part, with only a couple of our closest friends knowing anything for the last couple months. But the cat kinda got outta the bag this weekend. It was getting pretty obvious to most of our friends anyway, as we were spending almost all our time together. But we kinda broke down and started snuggling, cuddling and kissing in public. Something pretty outta character for both of us. So the friends all confronted us and we came clean. LOL. It made things a bit awkward for some other folk we had each been seeing, and some feelings were a little bruised, but at least nobody got too upset, like we were afraid of.

Well, I suppose that’s it then. Its official. I’ve got a full fledged girlfriend. I’ve become part of a couple once again. Creepy. LOL.

Yep, I’m horribly smitten and acting like a 14 year old love sick puppy. Bleah – this is exactly what I vehemently railed against early this spring. Heh. I guess life is like that. Just when you figure that you’re all done with love, and nice and safe… it comes along and mugs you in a dark alley.

Oh well… I just want to apologise in advance if we make anyone ill by being cute. I’ll try really hard not to. lol.

Pretty happy though to tell the truth. I’ve never dated someone that I was so damn comfor

Some of our friends really do not approve, but that’s too damn bad. Because it’s not up to them is it? I hope they get past that however, because I’ve got a feeling that this might last a while. LOL.

I desperately need air conditioning

Thursday, June 4th, 2009

Ok, I love the summer, but this having to work without air conditioning is getting pretty awful. Also, they gotta get the air conditioning working again at the gym in the weight room. Thought I was gonna die on Tuesday. It was brutal. I stayed the course, but it took 2 hours to do what I normally do in half that time. I ‘m gonna be in there again this afternoon, but I may skip cardio today and stay with lifting. I’ve been neglecting strength training for running, and honestly, trying to use the eliptical in there on a day like today is just asking for trouble. I’ll trade off with a night run or something. It’s gonna take me a few days to acclimatize to this weather.

Gotta zip outta work a couple times today. Makin dinner for me and that someone special. I’m currently defrosting a rack of lamb to be served with mint polenta, and makin creme brule… light and fun summer fare. It’s nice having someone to cook for. It means that I’m actuallly eating nice food, instead of surviving off caffine, creatine, vitamins and whey protien shakes. LOL.

I’m starting to suspect that I have a girlfriend. I’m not 100% sure about exactly where casually seeing someone turns into full blown quot;girlfriendquot;, but I ‘m starting to suspect that we’ve crossed that point. When you’ve got several pairs of their shoes and jackets in your closet, they start referring to your place as quot;homequot; and your bathroom is littered with their cosmetics and *ahem* quot;femalequot; hygene products, and worst of all… you don’t mind… I think that at that point, you probably have a quot;Girlfriendquot;. Hmmmm…

Also… Finding yourself making exuses to avoiding going out with your other lady friends … Definitely trouble. LOL. Swore I wasn’t gonna do this this summer. LOL.

So that’s about all fit to print. Done the worst of the busy season at work just as it’s getting too hot to be productive, spending the rest of my time training or with my favorite gal. The summer has been pretty kind to me so far.

Birthday reflections

Tuesday, May 26th, 2009

Well, I made it another year.& & Mind you, the Birthday Weekend® damn near did me in. lol.

I gotta say that this year on the whole has been amazing.& I’m now in the best shape I’ve been in years and getting better.& Still big *laugh* but differently so.& & If you can’t be thin, you may as well be the biggest muscle bound oaf you can be.& *giggle* .& & Naw, I just like being

Business has been pretty damn good too.& & Yeah, we felt the pinch of the recession pretty bad as our customers struggled to make their payments and keep themselves afloat, and there were more than a handful of missed opportunites, but we weathered the strom much better than most, and there are a lot of exciting new projects happening, and some new ideas for the next year that are actually really interesting to me.& I’m pretty excited.

It’s been fun getting back into sparing and some MMA stuff.& Chris took it up a few months ago, and it’s meant that here and there between his gym time and mine, we got someone to fuck around with.& & Fuck, he’s getting pretty good too.& & & Even when we don’t do that, it’s been pretty cool to have someone else close by that’s into physical stuff instead of just going for another damn beer all the time.& Don’t get me wrong.& & Love going for a beer on occasion, but I’m a big boy, and I get restless.& It’s great to have people that like climbing, boxing, running or what have you in a social context.& & ‘s also nice when you can take the beer to a basketball court (as long as you don’t get caught – lol).& Also, good chance I’ll be doing some iron man training with Don this year.& I’m not competing this year, no fuckin way, but he competes each year, and was interested in having a training buddy.& We run the same courses, do the gym at the same time, and both have a thing for goth girls so…& *laugh*& ‘s nice to have someone so experienced to help train endurance.& & Who knows.& I may enter next year – not to win, just to see if I can complete it.

Oh, so looking to running today.& Been stupid busy the last 3 weeks, and have only been able to make it out once a week.& Missing it.

Ya know, that’s probably what was really missing from my life was extreme endurance training.& & Having those endorphins around all the time changed everything back to what it was like when I was 20.& So awesome.

Haven’t been DJing a lot, which I sorta miss, but the events that I have been doing have been a lot bigger and more fun.& I have however been making a lot of my own music and bed tracks and been kind of running a DJ boot camp for some electro lovers, so it’s been more fun than work.& Every couple weeks we all get together with gear, pizza and some brews and spend a night makin racket without having to impress anyone or worry about playing a crowd.

Reminds me… Gotta talk to Benny about the Whistler thing soon…. damn… always need more time in the week.

Been dating a lot again over the last year after a bit of a hiatus. & I just wasn’t in the right headspace for a quite a while there.& & & I had to spend some time learning to like myself again and spoiling me, instead of someone else.& Also I think I had to learn to give up on “relationship’ crap.& I mean, I’ve tried… we’ve all seen the results.& &

& Mostly just casual dating and meeting some pretty awesome people.& Recently however, much to my bewilderment, there kinda is someone rather special.& I’ve been quietly seeing someone recently that became pretty much my best friend over the last few months.& I gotta admit that I’m a little bit smitten.& & *laugh*& I really didn’t think I had it in me anymore.& &

Well… don’t worry, after a good lay down and a few asprin, I’m sure the feeling will pass.& It’s a reallly nice change though to date someone that you’d be ok waking up beside in a jail cell.& *lol*& Dunno if it’s gonna go anywhere, but don’t really worry about it.& & It’s just fun to have a partner in crime.

So that’s pretty much the year.& Healthy, excited about work, met some amazing new people, getting to get outside and play a lot more, a lot less stress, and getting to try a lot of new things.& & It’s been an awesome year.

That’s enough of that. I have to get some stuff ready for the gym, and time permitting, make it down to Mikado to pick up some gloves for later this week. Been a week since I was in the weight room, and I need that endorphin pick me up.

Latest News

Monday, May 11th, 2009

Well, it’s been a while since I updated this thing. Guess I’ve been too busy to really keep on top of it, which is a good thing I suppose. The day job’s been keeping me hopping. A lot of interesting stuff going on right now, and with the rollercoaster ride that was the US economy, it’s meant having to re-think a lot of what we’d been doing. Also, starting to work with a lot more mobile devices has been intriguing to say the least.

On the personal front, well… Seem to be dating a lot more than usual lately. Also got a pretty big crush on someone, but nothing serious happening. I don’t see wedding bells any time in my near future, I’ll put it that way. *lol*

The mom’s gone crazy and decided that she’s moving to Mexico to sell stuff on the beach. I give that about six months before it implodes under the weight of it’s own craziness. However, it’s your mom, so you all you can do is shrug your shoulders and wait for the inevi

Myself, I must admit to a bit of ennui. I think I need a vacation away from the city. What with money being as tight as it has been, it’s been impossible. I suppose I’m a bit frustrated by that. Every year I seem to be a little further behind that the year before, and every time I manage to scrape a little cash together on the side, something comes along and eats it. The latest money eating monster was the cat’s vet bills, and CRA. Between the two of em, I went from having some tuition or travel money saved, to needing to borrow money to make bills. *sigh*

I’m starting to seriously think about moving. I love Van, but the truth is that the cost of living here is getting wildly out of hand. I’ve done a lot over the last two months to restructure my bills and cut costs, but I haven’t felt the benefit yet. I don’t wanna pull the same ‘run away’ routine that my mom pulls every couple years, but I am having a hard time making ends meet here, on what on paper is a really good income.

Well, it’s not a disaster yet. We’ve got some very promising work this spring, and quite likely a bit of investment cash coming in, so it means not having to run things outta our own pockets which is the killer. We’ll see though. I’m probably moving our services off to a computing cloud, which means that my physical location on this planet will be irrelevant for work, and it might be nice to consider working from the road or overseas for a bit. I really think I need to travel a little, and I really wanna go back to school. With more income, lower expenses and portability, that might be possible in the future. Right now though, it’s a bit of a fight to stay afloat.

Well, gotta get back to the daily grind.