Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

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Monday morning dullness.

Monday, July 5th, 2010

Monday morning once again. I’m looking over my task list for the week, and discovering that some of the things I needed to get done last week have sort of bled over into this one. I can’t seem to find my 06 tax returns, I’ve forgotten to mail my GST remittances, and so on.

I feel rather disorganized.

I suppose it’s not the end of the world. I’m far more organized these days than I was 6 months ago. I sorta feel like I’ve been slowly climbing out of a big giant hole.

Still, Monday mornings suck. I always end up feeling like Sysyphus looking up at that boulder, realizing that I’ve gotta start pushing it up that hill again.

I suppose that I rather like painting and working on tunes, because at the end of the day I can look back and actually see something I did. Unlike tech work, which pretty much means that I look back and see pretty much what I saw at the start of the day.

I guess I gotta find some time tonight to look for tax returns, and get some mail out the door after work. Also, now that they gym is paid off, I think I’ll get my butt out there tonight. ‘s been a while.

Oh, reminds me…. I gotta charge the iPod.

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Unexpected Downtime

Monday, June 28th, 2010

Well, it seems that the upgrade of Apache on my box did not go as planned. Pretty much everything, and all dependencies had to be rebuilt from scratch. So, it was a bit of a process.

Well… We’re back up and running now, so what’s been up….

Work was insane for the last couple of months, but it’s quieted down in recent weeks. I’m actually getting a bit of time to work on personal stuff, and catch up on paperwork and the ole tax thing, which is a bit of a mess frankly. The simple truth is that I’m behind in filing because quite frankly, I can’t afford to pay them what they want and still keep a roof over my head. The business has been brutal over the last couple of years. Expected payments weren’t there, we had to lay off staff, and every damn extra penny got grabbed by one damn emergency or another. So it’s been trying. Now, that I’m not hemmoraging cash so quickly, mostly cause I’m completely out of it (lol) I thought I’d get caught up on the paperwork and see how bad it’s gonna be.

Well, the accountant is bad enough. Its $2400 bucks for them to file everything, which pretty much means that I’m absolutely penniless for the next month, and that’s BEFORE I deal with Rev Can. This so serious sucks. 10 years in the IT business and all I have to show for it is an increasing debt load to the government. *sigh* Well, I’m gonna try to keep some humor about it. At least I have a roof over my head, most of the gear I need to get things done, and I’m starting to get some time to do creative projects, like more painting and some audio work. I’m just hoping that I can get them to make a bit of money over the next while, cause I’m gonna need it!

I’ll be posting the latest projects in the next day or so.

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not much going on.

Wednesday, April 28th, 2010

It’s been increasingly hard to find time to do creative work over the last couple of weeks. The day job is keeping me insanely busy, and by the time I’m done for the day, there isn’t anything left. I’m burnt out. So it’s been hard to keep up with posting, because frankly there’s been nothing to post about, other than ‘work sucks’ which frankly everybody already knows, and nobody wants to hear about.

I did finally about 3 am last night get struck with an idea for a painting. Not sure I can pull it off, but it’s something to try. Gonna start sketching it out tonight after the gym I think.

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everything has got to start somewhere.

Tuesday, April 13th, 2010

Well, I suppose everything has got to start somewhere.

Over the years I’ve worked on literally hundereds of websites, dozens of forms of multimedia and countless projects. So when it comes time to put them together, to have somewhere to store them all, you kind of get lost trying to design something. So I took the smart way out. Instead of rolling my own once more, I decided to use an off the shelf blogging / site tool so that I could concentrate on my content and leave the mechanics alone. So here we are. WordPress.

Well, already I chafe at the restrictions, but that’s fine. At least it’s a starting place to work from. As I start moving media, dj sets, paintings, photos, and what not up here, I’ll probably start to hack and evolve the tools to suit. In the meantime, at least this gets me started.

As for the look and feel? Well, it’s an off the shelf template, and I really thought the vodoun poppet in the upper right corner was rad, so I’m starting out with that one.

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Busy doing… stuff

Sunday, April 11th, 2010

I haven’t posted in a long time because I’ve been very busy doing….stuff.

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Ashes… it tastes like ashes.

Tuesday, September 8th, 2009

These last 6 weeks have been emotionally the hardest period of my life. A lot has been going on, but by far the worst was the break up with what is the love of my life. Nothing, absolutely nothing I have ever experienced before even remotely prepared me to deal with the events of the last couple of months. I have never been so in love in my life, nor have I been nearly as devestated at the way things have turned out. She loves me, and I her, but as it turns out, sometimes love is not enough.

It was not the right time. We were torn apart by health, personal demons and pressures that made it impossible to be together.

A day of watching her come back to finally move her stuff out, has ended with me looking at the empty spaces left behind, knowing that it couldn’t have been different. I have never given more, or tried harder, or found anything more worth figthing for. The simply truth is that it couldn’t work. Not at this time.

The empty spaces hurt.

They hurt because the love isn’t gone. I don’t think it’s going to go either. There is no hate, no anger, no recimination or blame that I have left in me. I know that I fought with sickness, not with a person. I knew that my enemy was timing, not someone’s actions. I also know that there’s nothing more that I could have done. The great and painful lesson here is that you can only help someone so much. They have to live their own lives and bear their own pain. …but knowing does not make the pain any less crippling.

No. The pain doesn’t fade either. You just get better at bearing it, you just get a little stronger, and maybe a little colder. You learn how to fill the emptiness with other things. A myriad of distractions though, could not this day lift me from this place. That will come, but not today, I fear.

All I can do is accept this and be thankful that for a time, I walked beside an angel, and pray that in time perhaps, I may one day walk with her again.

I choose to be thankful for the time that we were given, and shall try not to curse the time that we were not.

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Exciting Changes

Wednesday, July 1st, 2009

So Bambii moved in this week. I’m kind of excited. It’s been a very long time since I lived with anyone, and this is the first time that it’s felt so natural and right. Strange to think that not so long ago, I was certain to my core that I’d never be able to fall in love again, nor want to ever share a home with anyone other than my cat ever again. I’m shocked, but also pleasantly delighted. The speed and depth with which the bond between us developed has still left me reeling. I have never met anyone with which I was so deeply and mutually compatible with before. I guess that’s what it takes.

We met and rapidly became the best of friends while dating other people. Eventually it just sort of outgrew friendship as we left our other dates behind. Although we kept things quiet, and even went out of our way to keep it under wraps, I think that anyone that knew either of us well figured it out ages ago. After all, we spent just about every waking moment together for the last few months. It was really only a matter of time before we officially moved in together. lol.

So it’s been exciting and somewhat strange. Giving someone keys to my place, introducing and refereeing cats, making room in the closet, starting to look for a bigger place.

Many changes afoot! It’s been wonderful though. The last few months have been the most rewarding of my life.

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Damn, said this wasn’t gonna happen…

Monday, June 15th, 2009

Ok, I’m in trouble now. I’ve gone and fallen in love again. Damn, damn, damn, damn… Thought I was past this. lol. It’s only made worse by the fact that she has as well. Now we’re all cute and sickening in front of our friends without meaning to be. It’s also getting harder and harder to flirt or play with anyone else. Damn, damn, damn…

We’d kept things pretty quiet for the most part, with only a couple of our closest friends knowing anything for the last couple months. But the cat kinda got outta the bag this weekend. It was getting pretty obvious to most of our friends anyway, as we were spending almost all our time together. But we kinda broke down and started snuggling, cuddling and kissing in public. Something pretty outta character for both of us. So the friends all confronted us and we came clean. LOL. It made things a bit awkward for some other folk we had each been seeing, and some feelings were a little bruised, but at least nobody got too upset, like we were afraid of.

Well, I suppose that’s it then. Its official. I’ve got a full fledged girlfriend. I’ve become part of a couple once again. Creepy. LOL.

Yep, I’m horribly smitten and acting like a 14 year old love sick puppy. Bleah – this is exactly what I vehemently railed against early this spring. Heh. I guess life is like that. Just when you figure that you’re all done with love, and nice and safe… it comes along and mugs you in a dark alley.

Oh well… I just want to apologise in advance if we make anyone ill by being cute. I’ll try really hard not to. lol.

Pretty happy though to tell the truth. I’ve never dated someone that I was so damn comfor

Some of our friends really do not approve, but that’s too damn bad. Because it’s not up to them is it? I hope they get past that however, because I’ve got a feeling that this might last a while. LOL.

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I desperately need air conditioning

Thursday, June 4th, 2009

Ok, I love the summer, but this having to work without air conditioning is getting pretty awful. Also, they gotta get the air conditioning working again at the gym in the weight room. Thought I was gonna die on Tuesday. It was brutal. I stayed the course, but it took 2 hours to do what I normally do in half that time. I ‘m gonna be in there again this afternoon, but I may skip cardio today and stay with lifting. I’ve been neglecting strength training for running, and honestly, trying to use the eliptical in there on a day like today is just asking for trouble. I’ll trade off with a night run or something. It’s gonna take me a few days to acclimatize to this weather.

Gotta zip outta work a couple times today. Makin dinner for me and that someone special. I’m currently defrosting a rack of lamb to be served with mint polenta, and makin creme brule… light and fun summer fare. It’s nice having someone to cook for. It means that I’m actuallly eating nice food, instead of surviving off caffine, creatine, vitamins and whey protien shakes. LOL.

I’m starting to suspect that I have a girlfriend. I’m not 100% sure about exactly where casually seeing someone turns into full blown quot;girlfriendquot;, but I ‘m starting to suspect that we’ve crossed that point. When you’ve got several pairs of their shoes and jackets in your closet, they start referring to your place as quot;homequot; and your bathroom is littered with their cosmetics and *ahem* quot;femalequot; hygene products, and worst of all… you don’t mind… I think that at that point, you probably have a quot;Girlfriendquot;. Hmmmm…

Also… Finding yourself making exuses to avoiding going out with your other lady friends … Definitely trouble. LOL. Swore I wasn’t gonna do this this summer. LOL.

So that’s about all fit to print. Done the worst of the busy season at work just as it’s getting too hot to be productive, spending the rest of my time training or with my favorite gal. The summer has been pretty kind to me so far.

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Fantastic weekend

Monday, June 1st, 2009

Wow, what a great weekend. The weather was stellar, the company amazing and the food fantastic. I think I had more fun this weekend than I’ve had in years. It was also just enough of a break from the workout regime that this morning I don’t ache all over anymore. So back to the hell run and training this afternoon!

Chris is doing his MMA course tonight while I’m in with the trainer, so we’ll prolly hook up afterward for an hour to mess around, provided either of us can move. If we can’t… well, there’s always tomorrow. I’d say that I’m in to it, but last monday after 4 hours of hard training, I was barely able to stand under my own power. It was fun tho.

Oh, I also got a new kilt on the weekend. Yay. I love this thing. Soft leather kilt with matching sporin. Looks so awesome. It was my birthday present to myself.

Well, no time to really get into all the events of the weekend, so I may post later after training.

Gotta run back to work now.

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